omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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