Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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