I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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