when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
