Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
