In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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