No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I did not marry a roomba.
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