shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
