Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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