I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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