never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
