hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
