You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
