his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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