I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
