did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
