and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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