The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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