the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
