Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
