It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
