Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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