I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
