im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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