Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
