I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
