All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize