a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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