I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
