i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
tell me about the fingering
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