I am puke
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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