Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
