oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Randomize
