I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
