didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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