i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
