You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My day in three words: secret purse cake
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize