I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
