I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize