i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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