i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
