i jhust puked up my retainher.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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