I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
