nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
