well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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