I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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