I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
