STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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