I hate your face
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
