grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
