we have pet lesbian snakes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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