i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this just has baby written all over it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
