NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
