I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
