it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize