I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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