Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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