he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
