it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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