I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
