No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
