So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
