is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
