the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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